A Slight Mist on the Horizon
starts with two hapless lads - myself and Bob sitting in a dinghy on the
Thames equiped with a book on how to sail -
‘She’s leaning over Bob……BOB, SHE’S
LEANING OVER…….for Christ’s SAKE!’
‘I know, I know,…. which page is it?!’
‘I DON’T BLOODY KNOW, OK! I ONLY SKIMMED THE
BOOK – I didn’t read EVERY bloody page!!’
‘Hell’s bells - typical, if it
hasn’t got pictures or pop-ups, you don’t read it!’
‘BOB, for God’s sake, the water’s creeping
up the deck on this side man! JUST FIND THE’ PAGE THAT TELLS US HOW TO
STOP IT!!’
Bob quickly flicked through the book as
I desperately looked heavenwards towards the sails, towering over us. The
water was creeping even further up the deck, the wind briefly gusting to
make the dinghy lean over more!
I looked at Bob, trying to remain calm and knowing
that shouting at him rarely helped. ‘Try the fizzin’ index man!’
‘What for mate?’
‘How
should I know? Leaning over under ‘L’, tipping over under ‘T’,
fizzin’ sinking under ‘S’, FOR CHRIST’S SAKE - I DON’T KNOW! -
Or how about ‘P’, for complete and utter PANIC! Just find out how to
STOP IT; and at the same time, WHY are we so far from the river bank? I
can’t even get out AND FIZZIN’ WALK, FOR CHRIST’S SAKE!’ My cool
had gone again!!
Bob turned to me, a cynical expression on his face
- ‘But boats are supposed to lean over……look at the pictures!’
‘Yes, but they appear to be MOVING FORWARD and
have bow waves at the same time! WE just lean over and twist round, BACK
THE BLOODY WAY WE CAME!’
And before I had finished my speech, the dinghy
had taken my suggestion and weather cocked yet again - the sails shook and
the boat veered round, so that the wind came over the opposite side and
she started to lean over again – only this time, the other way! Which
put us on the downward side and even closer to the water!
‘Bloody book’s no good, l can’t find what to
do next; we got the sails up ok, cast off, shipped the rudder……all
fine’
I gave Bob a glaring look!
‘Ok, so that was the wrong way round, we should
have fitted the rudder first’, Bob shrugged, ‘I guess it may have
helped a bit with the initial steering, but we got away from the river
bank alright and sheeted the sails in - so now what?
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